"Hi! I'm Burton Cummings! Just an average, ordinary dude! Do you like my suit?"
"I've never actually tried before, but I feel confident I could hypnotize you using just my hands and my voice... No, you're right, I have not been sleeping well lately. I'm feeling stressed."
"I've got this very" (Sweat, sweat.) "powerful urge building within me... I can't" (Sweat, sweat.) "help it. I've got to" (Sweat.) "get to a" (Sweat.) "playground right now. Heh, heh... Sloppy! Sloppy!" (Sweat, sweat.) 
(No caption needed.)
"Burton Cummings. Prisoner 7694381. Ready for rehabilitation... Can I get a work detail in the nursery? Is that possible? No? This is going to be a long thirty years."*Burton Cummings is in no way an actual pedophile, so far as I know. He just seems like one based on the evidence presented above.
