OLYMPIC FEVER!!!

To be honest, I don't really watch the summer Olympics. I find it pretty boring comparatively... For example, I just found myself watching -actually, I find myself watching... It's still on...- the women's singles badminton gold medal match (at this point it's just a matter of which Chinese player gets gold and which gets silver) and one player (Zhang) returned the birdie, which landed just inside the tape, and the commentator described the shot thusly:

"That birdie, hit with incredible force, landed inside the tape like a butterfly with sore feet!"

The art of metaphor is truly lost, like the virginity of... A particularly... Umm... Busy prostitute... With sore feet.

Ugh.

There have been some pretty ridiculous controversies at this year's Olympic games, which is amazing considering they're being hosted by a communist government bent quite literally on world domination (America's national debt is owed to whom???) and not above committing unimaginable atrocities against it's opposition... I'd have to say that choosing some cute little girl to lip synch to the voice of some homely little girl is probably one of the more honourable moves perpetrated by the Chinese government in recent times. At least they didn't "disappear" the actual singer and her entire family to cover their tracks. Nice restraint, China!

To me, the most amazing and one of the lesser reported controversies has nothing to do with China, but instead is the advertising campaign used by the Spanish basketball teams to promote themselves in their homeland. The ads feature the men's and women's basketball teams gathered around a Chinese dragon painted upon centre court... And what they're doing, with "love" say the players, is using their fingers to pull back the skin at the corners of their eyes so they look Asian. They are making chinky eyes. With "love."

Here's the men's basketball team's ad:

And a detail, so you can see all their racist love close-up:



And here's a detail from the women's team's ad:

Awesome.

There's been a history of racism at sporting events in Spain, with Japanese, Chinese and Korean teams complaining about being subjected to racist taunts from Spanish players, coaches and fans at world events for some time.

And to make the case for a racist Spain -and also to show their support for their basketball heroes- the 2008 Spanish Federation Cup Tennis Team recently posed for this little picture:

Those are the members of the tennis team, with the circles around their racist but loving heads...

Go Spain! I can't wait to see them play the Confederates in the finals!

Oh, and that thing I said about the women's badminton match being boring? Zhang came back from nine points down, after she was completely counted out and won the gold, all in a matter of about twelve minutes...

THE SELF-PERPETUATING MYTH

This is going to e a bit scattered, but stay with me...

Summerworks in Toronto has taken the step of posting a couple of ads -one male- and one female-based- for their upcoming theatre festival. The ads -particularly the female, which features a cluster of “hot” female playwrights* thanking Claudia Dey for paving the way for “hot” female playwrights, and then engaging in a pillow fight, all scantily clad- have drawn the ire of many, primarily women, who find the whole thing offensive, a missed arrow aimed at the heart of 21st Century pseudo-feminism. There’s no question, frankly, that it is a missed arrow. It’s a poor attempt at satire. But whatever. The YouTube generation’s lack of understanding of feminism -or true struggle of any kind, for that matter- is an unworthy adversary.

On the Summerworks discussion page Hannah Moskovich responds to people calling the female ad humiliating by saying, essentially, that she’d have known if she was being humiliated, and she recounts some examples from her days as a server when she was outright humiliated by piggish male customers... A couple of years ago I saw an interview with Mickey Rooney in which he was asked as a final question if he’d do anything differently, and he responded without hesitation “I’d do Breakfast at Tiffany’s differently. Well, I wouldn’t do it at all.” (As a refresher: In Breakfast at Tiffany’s Mickey Rooney donned bad teeth, a blunt black wig and a kimono and ran around yelling at Audrey Hepburn in a “Chinese” accent.) “At the time I thought it was hysterically funny. I didn’t realize I was humiliating myself.” Humiliation is very often in the eye of the beholder, as one other poster on that page points out. And just because your intention is satire, that doesn’t mean the result is satirical. Sometimes it’s just humiliation. And, though I agree the examples of humiliation she provides were no doubt hurtful, soul crushing and immediate, it’s also true that humiliation sometimes takes time, and sometimes the humiliated is entirely oblivious.

The men’s ad is not provocative whatsoever. It’s not humiliating. There’s nothing offensive about it. There’s nothing challenging about it. It’s just bad. Assuming you know Michael Healey, there might be some initial humor in seeing him act foolish, but that goes away pretty quickly, or so I’d assume. (I don’t know him, save by reputation.) If you don’t know him what it is is just a bad YouTube skit.



One comment on the YouTube page for one for the ads says something along the lines of “Leave them alone, at least it’s better than most of what you see on YouTube.” Talk about damning with faint praise. But also, A) Aim higher; these are some of Canada’s top actors and writers in these ads and they should behave as such. And B) No, it’s not. It’s not better than most of what you see on YouTube. It’s equally as bad as most of what you see on YouTube.

There is a third ad, featuring just Summerworks Artistic Director Michael Rubenfeld singing a terrible song about Summerworks, apparently as a spoof of those terrible and terribly narcissistic songs that teens post on YouTube because they can... It’s whatever, an interesting if obvious idea, except Who the fuck is Michael Rubenfeld? I’ve met him a couple of times, I think, but seriously: The joke only works if the people watching it know you’re not actually one of those narcissistic kids. Most people don’t know that about Michael Rubenfeld. Most people don’t know anything about Michael Rubenfeld whatsoever, including his name, what he looks like, and his position with Summerworks. The ad is for his friends. The ad is for the people in the other two ads, and whoever else is in Michael Rubenfeld’s MyFive. The ad, as it turns out, is for the same people for whom those kids he’s parodying make their videos: Pals. I can’t tell if this is the most post-modern post-modernist piece of art ever created, or just the height of narcissism, though I suspect it’s not the former, unfortunately.

If you’re the Artistic Director of, well, anything, shouldn’t your advertising campaign be directed at those other than the already initiated?

Personally, I think this is the most offensive ad of the bunch.

There is a bolder statement to be made about these; one I’ve danced around a bit, but I guess I have to spell out, which is this:

THESE ADS ARE REPRESENTATIVE OF EVERYTHING THAT’S WRONG WITH THE TORONTO THEATRE SCENE.

It’s incestuous. It’s exclusionary. It’s a club. Artists in the scene don’t make theatre for audiences, they make it for other artists. Almost without exception the people who jumped to the defense of these ridiculous ads are people who know the “actors.” (“I know Claudia Dey, and I think this is hilarious.” “Hannah isn’t really like that at all, and that’s why it’s funny!”)

With all due respect, who cares what you think? You’re going to go to the shows already, supposedly, so who cares? If these ads had been made and sent through e-mail from person to person, then ha ha ha, nice work; but they weren’t. They were posted on the Summerworks website. If those involved weren’t so blind, they’d see the outcry about their crap for what it is: People who care about theatre, who care about Summerworks wanting those involved to pay it the respect it deserves. It’s not just a couple of whatever, fun videos, so what?The ads are representing something that people are passionate about, and they’re representing it exceptionally badly.

And what’s worse is they’re doing it in a way that basically says Theatre is about the artist, not the audience and not the art.

There’s no question that theatre is in trouble. Audiences are weak, and without audiences theatre is nothing; it can’t live.***

It’s attitudes like the one behind this campaign that keep audiences away.

Why are musicals -disdained by all serious theatre artists, the scourge of the theatre world- kicking our ass? Because they’re inclusive. They want audiences. They want to impress people, make people happy, make people sad. David Mirvish doesn’t care about impressing his friends, he wants to impress people he doesn’t know. The people who pony up and allow him to do what he does are people he doesn’t know. They’re buying the tickets.

People want to be included. The slogan for this campaign cold have been “Theatre artists: We’re smarter than you. We’re more clever than you. We’re better than you.”
________________________________

* Seriously, though: Where’s Kate Hewlett? Are you kidding me?
** The saddest part of the whole thing for me has to be when, after listening to so much praise for original hotness being heaped on Dey, the older Linda Griffiths says “Wait, what about me?” It’s just... A sad moment.
*** It’s sad to go to a show in Toronto. Afterwards everyone piles out of the theatre and gathers at the stage door to say hi to the writer / the director / actor, or more often than not some collection of people involved in the production, because the audience knows them all. The people in this show are the same people that came to support them at their show. And that’s fine, there needs to be support within the community, but if the support from the community is what’s keeping you afloat, if your audience is all actors and the writers and directors of things you’ve seen, than what’s the point?

TELL ME ABOUT GOD

I found this book in a great used bookstore on Spadina: Tell Me About God, written by Mary Alice Jones and illustrated by Pelagie Doane, circa 1959. (Originally published in 1943.)


From the inside flap: "Inside this unique and beautiful book are answered the most profoundly important questions children can ask. "Who is God?" "Why Can't I see God?" "How does God care for me?" "Does God Love everybody?" With these first wondering questions the little child is approaching the great fundamental truths of religion. His whole spiritual development may depend upon how wisely he is answered. Mary Alice Jones... has prepared this book especially to help parents with their important task of bringing their children to know God. Entirely non-denominational, TELL ME ABOUT GOD reflects the best thinking of present-day leaders in the field of religious education." Once I get set up with a scanner I'll post some more of the illustrations, but for now here's my favorite. It goes with the chapter titled "God Sent His Son." I'll reprint the whole chapter here, and dedicate it to Shira Leuchter, who will hopefully learn something...

GOD SENT HIS SON

BOBBY showed his mother a picture of Jesus. His teacher at church had given it to him. "Tell me about Jesus," he asked. "God loves us so much, Bobby, that he sent his son, Jesus, to tell us about it." "How did Jesus tell us?" "He did more than just tell us. He showed us. He helped those who were sick. He played with the little children and told them stories.He was kind to those who were sad. He said, 'See, I love you. That is why I want to help you. God loves you, too. And God wants to help you, too.'" "Did the people listen to him?" "Many of them did. And they understood God's love. Jesus showed them what it meant. They said, 'God is like Jesus. He loves us.' " "Were the people glad?" "Those who listened to Jesus were very glad, Bobby. They felt happy. They said, 'We feel all made over. We are not sad or afraid any more. We know God loves us, whatever happens to us.' " "What else did Jesus tell the people?" "He told them God's plan for them. He told them how God wanted them to live together. He said 'Love one another. Help one another. Share with one another.' " "What did the people do?" "Some of them said, 'Jesus is telling us God's plan for us. It is a good plan. It will make people happy. We will live the way he says.' " "What did the other people do?" "The other people did not listen to Jesus. They did not want to know God's plan for them. They wanted to have their own way. And they made many people unhappy." "If I had been there I would have listened," Bobby said. "Would you, Bobby? I am glad. What Jesus said is still God's plan for us. We can listen to him now."

THE FEET ARE THE BEST PART

Here are some pictures of an installation called TELEPHONIC SHEEP at The Frankfurt Museum of Communications, c. 2004. The artist is Jean-Luc Cornec.

Supposedly these guys were all over the web a couple of years ago, but I missed them then. Better late than never.



The sheep are constructed entirely out of recycled telephone parts, their wool being, of course, the telephone cords.



I'm actually amazed at how life-like they appear.



The feet are my favorite part.



Thanks to Jenny Kuri for bringing these little guys to my attention.

BURTON CUMMINGS, PEDOPHILE*

"Hi! I'm Burton Cummings! Just an average, ordinary dude! Do you like my suit?"

"I've never actually tried before, but I feel confident I could hypnotize you using just my hands and my voice... No, you're right, I have not been sleeping well lately. I'm feeling stressed."

"I've got this very" (Sweat, sweat.) "powerful urge building within me... I can't" (Sweat, sweat.) "help it. I've got to" (Sweat.) "get to a" (Sweat.) "playground right now. Heh, heh... Sloppy! Sloppy!" (Sweat, sweat.)

(No caption needed.)

"Burton Cummings. Prisoner 7694381. Ready for rehabilitation... Can I get a work detail in the nursery? Is that possible? No? This is going to be a long thirty years."

*Burton Cummings is in no way an actual pedophile, so far as I know. He just seems like one based on the evidence presented above.

BANKSY HEARTS BLEK LA RAT

Banksy is a London, England-based artist. He makes public art. His work is almost always political, or at the very least it comments on societal norms, and it more often than not achieves genuine wit.

Banksy is famous. New works of his are regularly covered by London newspapers. There is wide speculation as to his identity. If a Banksy appears on the side of a building it usually stays there. In some cases the owners of the buildings have repainted around the art... A far cry from how standard graffiti is treated, wouldn't you say?

Here is a selection of my favorite of Banksy's works...

Banksy's style is derivative of a guy named Blek la Rat, a French artist -and the inventor of stencil graffiti- who visited New York in the early 1980's and loved the traditional graf he saw there. He decided to use stencils so as to not just copy what he'd seen while in the States. Blek la Rat's stuff was also often political or satirical, and sometimes he even appeared in his work himself.

You can see Blek la Rat's work HERE.

THE ALIENS, THEY THINK THE FARMING IS PURTY

It looks like some kind of fancy -and awesome- geometric painting, but it's not... In fact, it's a photo of Kansas farmland taken from the Advanced Spaceborne Thermal Emission and Reflection Radiometer (ASTER). It's a real photo.

The photo was taken on June 24th of 2001, but was classified until 2005. The green circles -which measure as much as 1.6 km in diameter- are corn, leafy in June, and the paler green is sorghum; the bright gold color is wheat. The circular shape of the field is owed to a method of irrigation that draws water from a well at the centre of each field, using long pipes mounted on wheels that rotate on a pivot, dropping water onto the crops instead of spraying it over them with sprinklers, and necessitating round fields.

Agriculture is hot.

Click HERE to see more pics from ASTER.